Does this offend you?

Warning: Some material may not be suitable for closed minded people or people who cannot handle the fact that I cuss in this. For dramatic effect.

What I am about to share with you is something that you may not approve of or understand, and that is fine. That is what this experience is about. But I am letting you know now I will not tolerate negative comments, in fact I am an excellent argumentator and I’d make you look like a damn fool. So perhaps, unless your comments are constructive, keep them to yourself.

May 1st is my 6th month anniversary. Well everybody knows I don’t have a boyfriend, so what exactly happened on November 1st, 2016? Well, that day I made the conscious decision of joining the No Shave November troupe. Unconsciously realizing that I was about to start a journey. Earlier in the month of October, Jack and I went on an 11 day trip around Central Europe, and I forgot to take a razor. I usually go awhile without shaving my legs in the winter, but my underarms generally stay shaved. So when I went that long without shaving, I began to think. By Halloween, I knew that I was going to shave one last time, and that’s what I did. October 31st, 2016.

It all started as a simple No Shave November commitment, and for the very first time in my adult life, I decided to add my underarms to the mix. This was before I saw all the mainstream actresses and these girls emerging off of Twitter. I wasn’t part of some trend. I was doing this for so many reasons.

Reason 1: While in Germany, a friend and I were discussing one girl that he had taken an interest in. This was in mid-November. I was beginning to feel the discomfort of having my hair grow out and I was considering throwing the towel in on the whole underarm hair ordeal. That’s when he said “She would be so much more attractive if she shaved her arms. It’s disgusting, have you seen how hairy her arms are? Like wax that shit.” I was utterly appalled. Why should women have to feel so self conscious about things like this? We were born that way, so what? We have hair on our bodies too, what is wrong with that? It’s not disgusting, it's a human body. No one should feel the pressure to shave their bodies to feel like they are attractive or accepted in society, in fact they shouldn’t feel pressure to change ANYTHING about themselves. That really solidified my decision, and it’s one of the things that kept me going through all the possible judgement I would endure. Which brings me to my next reason.

Reason 2: Ged Kerezis. I know you’re not reading this because I never friended you on Facebook. Ged you’re probably living a nice life, won’t remember me one bit, but I’ll never forget the day you made me cry through AP Biology freshman year after your words. As I hit adolescence, my hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) got worse. My feet and hands sweat profusely and as I grew up, my underarms became a problem. I came into class one day after my friends and I had a water fight. My clothes and hair were modestly wet, and so were my underarms after a long hot day. “Why are you wet?” “My friends and I had a water fight to stay cool!” My mood was still very escalated after the fun I had just had. All soon to change. “Why are you always wet, maybe you should buy deodorant or something.” LeighAnne Dones elbowed him when he said that (she’s good person) and he followed with “What? It’s disgusting.” Disgusting….there’s that word again. For years I have watched the faces of people who give me high fives or hold my hands, or I see the confused faces of teachers and professors as I hand them a slightly moist exam paper. Sometimes they’ll slip out a ‘gross’ and watch my face fall and become red with embarrassment. Some people apologize, many don’t. I try not to let people touch my hands unless I know them very well, unless I can tell them about my condition. I don’t borrow shoes and I cannot leave my house unless I have taken the kidney damaging medicine that stops me from being ‘disgusting’ and I have put on super strength deodorant. Yes, I wear deodorant. And that is another stigma about people who grow out their body hair. Yes, I am still clean. I wear deodorant, I shower, I lotion, I air dry. I am clean. Would you call a man dirty or unhygienic if he had his leg hairs flowing in the wind? Which flows into my next topic…

Reason 3: Y’all are a bunch of BRAINWASHED SEXIST ASSHOLES. No one in particular. But if you’ve been reading and judging me all this time well, see above, or if you worship the bull that the media spreads well, you might also fit the bill. Why the heck can men just waltz around with body hair but women can’t? Put the Egyptian and Roman stories aside, women didn’t really begin to shave until around the 1920s, when media began over sexualizing women’s bodies.These body expectations for women are getting more and more ridiculous. I understand why more people are outraged about things they cannot control, like having so be a certain sized waist to be considered beautiful, or having a certain face shape, or having a certain skin color. But what about things we can control? What if I choose to not fit a certain standard, like a shaved body, or just stereotypical female standards? That is my choice. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE CHOICES FOR MY BODY, AND I DESERVE SOME ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT FOR THAT. Yeah you thought this wouldn’t get political, didn’t you?

Reason 4: POLITICS. Oops, cat out of the bag. At this point, I might not shave until the misogynistic pig is out of office. Yes, this is also a form of protest for me. At the end of week one of my no shaving stint, Donald Trump was elected president of the United States of America, land of the FREE. I cried from my bed at 7:30 am in Reutlingen, Germany. I made a lot of protest moves in subtle ways, like my becoming a vegetarian, and actually protesting (not subtle), and becoming an economics major. Women, of all shapes, colors, and sizes, and backgrounds deserve respect, equality, freedom of expression, and there ain’t no one that is going to put us in boxes, or tell us what we can and cannot do (yes I was at the Women’s March in Washington DC). I deserve to feel comfortable and safe in my body and in my country, and when men are sexualizing women, putting them in danger, taking advantage of them, and making decisions for them, no sir we will not take it. And ladies who put me down every step of the way during this journey, hear me. We need to build each other up. All women, not matter how they choose to express themselves. Because we all deserve to feel positivity and support.

Reason 5: I have low self esteem. For those of you who have me on Snapchat, it may not seem like it from the amount of selfies that I post….but I do. I am not comfortable in my body. I don’t like how out of shape I am, how my muscles have disappeared, how my hair is dead and flat and an ugly brown going on green color. I don’t like that I can’t hold someone’s hand without them cringing, I hate my stretch marks and dry skin and the way I walk and talk….some of those are “fixable” and some of them are not. I guess...my favorite part about keeping my body hair is the fact that it is something I can control. You can make fun of me for being overweight, okay? well I’m trying to work on that. Make fun of me for my sweaty hands well I’m sorry? but I do everything I can afford to make that less of an issue for myself. Make fun of my hairy legs, well oh well. I could get rid of it right now but I choose not to. Does it bother you? Is it really such an issue for you? I always wonder why people go out of their way to call me fat, ugly, disgusting, gross...like what the fuck do you even get out of that? This was my experiment, this was what I going for. I am asking for the commentary Because I am not a high schooler who cries through biology anymore. I wear tank tops, I wear shorts, I am happy enough with how I look, are you?

Unfortunately, I do have to recognize that in some cases, the world is not ready for what I am doing. For work, I cover up. For Easter, I covered up. For class, most of the time I stay covered up. For adults who don’t understand crazy kids from California, I try to stay conservative. Unfortunately, I work in an industry that defines professionalism as...clean shaven.

To be honest, I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t want society to win but at the same time, will society let me carry my experiment further? I’m not done...I’m not done educating, or collecting data, or protesting. This is my form of how I live my life. I am not hurting anyone. I am above the razor industry, I am fighting sexism and stereotypical gender roles, I am convincing myself I am beautiful. Isn’t that enough? Why don’t you just leave people the fuck alone, and let them do them. And that, I guess at the end of the day, is my true reason for doing all of this. There are so few things that we can control anymore it seems, and there is such a lack of acceptance and empathy in this world. Maybe, by the actual end of this journey I will have came up with some more profound musings from my new life as someone who doesn’t give two fucks about what you think. Because maybe, just maybe someone who just read this will have their own journey to set out on, or needed the confidence to continue something that someone is preventing them from achieving. Don’t listen to anyone else, not even society, because people who made real change in the world never did. This is just my little experiment for now, but from this I am learning something much bigger.